Greetings Ladies,
My bestie, my sister and I were all on the phone last night.............I must say I love technology because we're planning a destination wedding from three different states! All I can say is I'm super excited about getting measured for my dress this week!!! She did a great job on the bridesmaid's dresses because they are super cute!!!
Next week I won't be as swamped as I have been and I'll be able to really share this process with you all. I'm grateful for the positive feedback I've been receiving from readers.............when you're honest about how you really feel people have the opportunity to shine their light on you and I love the light so thank you for your comment Passion7 we will have the fairytale.
More to come!!
Peace,
Adge
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Day 121..........................
Hello Beautiful Womyn!!!
Forgive me for my absence...............I know we all live very busy lives and I'm so glad to be back here with you all now. For the record watching the movie 'Kissing Jessica Stein' always makes me cry at the "Mom scene" which for me is another blog in itself lol! But I do love that movie..................can you tell I watched it tonight lol?
Well we're moving full steam ahead with the wedding planning and my bestie found the dress..........yes THE DRESS. I must say that it is truly breath taking and she will be a stunning sight; not only because of the dress but also because she's naturally gorgeous (trust me I know women ;) )............the bridesmaids dresses are beautiful also and they can definitely be worn again she did a great job.
So here I am now still needing to get measured so I can make sure my dress fits properly and I need to have it ordered ASAP so the bride can check one more item off of her to-do list..........Unfortunately, I need next Friday to get here so I pay for it credit is not an option! I'm not sure I can convince her that I can wait until then however I do find myself developing alternative plans to pay for the dress even as I type because all I want to do is assuage any pressure she may be under...........
Is it wrong for me to live vicariously through her wedding planning? Or am I just jealous of her heterosexual privilege? Yeah, I think I'm just a bit jealous too..............there I said it. The pink elephant in the room has a name so now we can move on! Now I've heard that jealousy is a sign of insecurity but the Pharcyde said, " .........A hero is a sandwich and a manwich is a meal......a marriage is a paper are they fakin' or for real......what's the deal dapper......." (that lil excerpt was from Passin' Me By a Pharcyde, a true hip hop classic and if you don't know it, please pause and go immediately to youtube, listen to the song, post on your facebook page for your friends who never put you on and return then to this blog!) Well I'm for real!! I'm playing for keeps and I don't need the paper to know or prove that my love is real but I sure do want it......................just because I'm in love with a woman doesn't mean my childhood dream of my wedding day died.
I'm not the woman who says I don't need all that for just one day, because I do, I want all the whoopla. It's like the person who says, "I don't want a big rock for my wedding ring; I'd be afraid to wear it..........." Trust me in all my years in luxury jewelry sales (all I'll say about that is everything came in a little blue box) no woman ever said I want to return this ring because it's too big.........the person who says that never thought they would get their dream ring in the first place.......I personally never thought I wouldn't!
I want to eat the top of my cake a year later, I want to dance our first dance and toast and party with the people I love the most sharing the love of my life with them as we celebrate our marriage.......our union..........our life together....................I want the fairytale and I don't belive I'm asking for too much. Now all I need is for the entire country to get on board!
More to come.
Peace,
Adge
Forgive me for my absence...............I know we all live very busy lives and I'm so glad to be back here with you all now. For the record watching the movie 'Kissing Jessica Stein' always makes me cry at the "Mom scene" which for me is another blog in itself lol! But I do love that movie..................can you tell I watched it tonight lol?
Well we're moving full steam ahead with the wedding planning and my bestie found the dress..........yes THE DRESS. I must say that it is truly breath taking and she will be a stunning sight; not only because of the dress but also because she's naturally gorgeous (trust me I know women ;) )............the bridesmaids dresses are beautiful also and they can definitely be worn again she did a great job.
So here I am now still needing to get measured so I can make sure my dress fits properly and I need to have it ordered ASAP so the bride can check one more item off of her to-do list..........Unfortunately, I need next Friday to get here so I pay for it credit is not an option! I'm not sure I can convince her that I can wait until then however I do find myself developing alternative plans to pay for the dress even as I type because all I want to do is assuage any pressure she may be under...........
Is it wrong for me to live vicariously through her wedding planning? Or am I just jealous of her heterosexual privilege? Yeah, I think I'm just a bit jealous too..............there I said it. The pink elephant in the room has a name so now we can move on! Now I've heard that jealousy is a sign of insecurity but the Pharcyde said, " .........A hero is a sandwich and a manwich is a meal......a marriage is a paper are they fakin' or for real......what's the deal dapper......." (that lil excerpt was from Passin' Me By a Pharcyde, a true hip hop classic and if you don't know it, please pause and go immediately to youtube, listen to the song, post on your facebook page for your friends who never put you on and return then to this blog!) Well I'm for real!! I'm playing for keeps and I don't need the paper to know or prove that my love is real but I sure do want it......................just because I'm in love with a woman doesn't mean my childhood dream of my wedding day died.
I'm not the woman who says I don't need all that for just one day, because I do, I want all the whoopla. It's like the person who says, "I don't want a big rock for my wedding ring; I'd be afraid to wear it..........." Trust me in all my years in luxury jewelry sales (all I'll say about that is everything came in a little blue box) no woman ever said I want to return this ring because it's too big.........the person who says that never thought they would get their dream ring in the first place.......I personally never thought I wouldn't!
I want to eat the top of my cake a year later, I want to dance our first dance and toast and party with the people I love the most sharing the love of my life with them as we celebrate our marriage.......our union..........our life together....................I want the fairytale and I don't belive I'm asking for too much. Now all I need is for the entire country to get on board!
More to come.
Peace,
Adge
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The count down continues........day 139...............
Greetings world!
So a friend of mine asked me today why am I doing this blog.................. so I told her I wanted to create a space for queer womyn like me to have a place to voice their feelings when placed into spaces that are considered "straight" by those who are closest to us i.e. family & friends who do not connect with our lifestyle therefore failing to realize that sharing my life with a wedding to my partner is a fantasy of mine that I never thought of as much until my bestie got engaged. I mean, I never not wanted to get married just because I wanted to marry a woman.
I think it's also heavy on my mind because this is the one person who I shared all of those little girl dreams with; we've been friends literally since birth and there's no place else I'd rather be than helping her get to her special day but I can't help but wonder will I ever have one too? And yes I get that this isn't about me but this blog is about how I am working through these feelings of being the right hand in a straight wedding as a queer girl. It's amazing how easy a thing can seem until it's real.
Like I told you all yesterday I don't think my folks have shared with any of their friends how proud they are of their potential daughter-in-law (even though they should because she's awesome, everything they wanted me to find in a man and more in a slightly different package), when the news first circulated about my besties engagement I asked my Mother if she was planning on sending out "the good news" about my engagement and the response was silence...............so that's why I blog in a nutshell!
So moving forward.......... my bestie is going through the most ooohhhh to be the bride to be! Not only did she just move to a new state last Friday and is starting a new job on Monday all while planning a destination wedding she is a true super trooper. Today we finalized the bachelorette party!!!! She is going to be a beautiful bride and I am excited so we were definitely productive today as always more to come!
Peace,
Adge
So a friend of mine asked me today why am I doing this blog.................. so I told her I wanted to create a space for queer womyn like me to have a place to voice their feelings when placed into spaces that are considered "straight" by those who are closest to us i.e. family & friends who do not connect with our lifestyle therefore failing to realize that sharing my life with a wedding to my partner is a fantasy of mine that I never thought of as much until my bestie got engaged. I mean, I never not wanted to get married just because I wanted to marry a woman.
I think it's also heavy on my mind because this is the one person who I shared all of those little girl dreams with; we've been friends literally since birth and there's no place else I'd rather be than helping her get to her special day but I can't help but wonder will I ever have one too? And yes I get that this isn't about me but this blog is about how I am working through these feelings of being the right hand in a straight wedding as a queer girl. It's amazing how easy a thing can seem until it's real.
Like I told you all yesterday I don't think my folks have shared with any of their friends how proud they are of their potential daughter-in-law (even though they should because she's awesome, everything they wanted me to find in a man and more in a slightly different package), when the news first circulated about my besties engagement I asked my Mother if she was planning on sending out "the good news" about my engagement and the response was silence...............so that's why I blog in a nutshell!
So moving forward.......... my bestie is going through the most ooohhhh to be the bride to be! Not only did she just move to a new state last Friday and is starting a new job on Monday all while planning a destination wedding she is a true super trooper. Today we finalized the bachelorette party!!!! She is going to be a beautiful bride and I am excited so we were definitely productive today as always more to come!
Peace,
Adge
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Being a supportive friend day 140
Greetings world!!
So many of you out there may be just like me...........here I am happy, in an awesome relationship, transitioning in my career and then boom my (straight) best friend gets engaged. Now it's beautiful because she is marrying her long time boyfriend who I adore and then suddenly it hits me! Her wedding is exactly what my parents envisioned for my life and this is the final straw that makes my lesbian relationship real to them so I am forced to ask myself how can I be the best bridesmaid to my best friend who is totally unaware that her new life unfolding is opening the door to my reality because the truth is I want to marry my girlfriend.
I want to send out invitations. I want to invite all the parents of the kids I grew up with who attended my Debutante Ball and I wonder if I ever will (I'm the one who stepped outside of the box and my folks never told a soul as far as I know......) I have 140 days until she gets married and I hope to answer some of these questions because it's been a long time since I've been home and I'm not in the closet for anybody!
Is there anybody out there that's been in a situation like mine? I'd love to hear from you if you have................Now if I can only get this woman to choose her colors.............the invites need to go out! More to come!
Adge
So many of you out there may be just like me...........here I am happy, in an awesome relationship, transitioning in my career and then boom my (straight) best friend gets engaged. Now it's beautiful because she is marrying her long time boyfriend who I adore and then suddenly it hits me! Her wedding is exactly what my parents envisioned for my life and this is the final straw that makes my lesbian relationship real to them so I am forced to ask myself how can I be the best bridesmaid to my best friend who is totally unaware that her new life unfolding is opening the door to my reality because the truth is I want to marry my girlfriend.
I want to send out invitations. I want to invite all the parents of the kids I grew up with who attended my Debutante Ball and I wonder if I ever will (I'm the one who stepped outside of the box and my folks never told a soul as far as I know......) I have 140 days until she gets married and I hope to answer some of these questions because it's been a long time since I've been home and I'm not in the closet for anybody!
Is there anybody out there that's been in a situation like mine? I'd love to hear from you if you have................Now if I can only get this woman to choose her colors.............the invites need to go out! More to come!
Adge
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